At the Suggestion of an AI
by DarkShine07
Summary: Shepard isn't quite sure what she wants anymore, or why she's so scared. EDI, however, is pretty sure she knows just what the Commander needs.


She was supposed to be meeting him on the Citadel, the Presidium Commons to be more specific, but she wasn't quite sure why she was bothering. Relations between herself and the major had been cool at best since he had rejoined the crew – hell, since Horizon, if she was going to be entirely honest with herself. She had wanted to fix things between herself and Kaidan for the past year or so, but it had been some time ago when she had finally given up on hoping for things to ever be better than civil between them again. Every time they met it seemed to be a prickly atmosphere that enveloped them, like all that they had once had was lost and gone, vanished into the far depths of space as absolutely as if they'd been sucked up by a black hole. She had no idea where this particular black hole opened up on the other side, but she was willing to bet it didn't even matter anymore. She was only agreeing to this meeting to soothe things over. A truce, she told herself. There was no need to keep arguing about matters any longer – they had to be a team now if they hoped to accomplish anything against the Reapers.

The Presidium was bustling with activity, people moving amongst one another, gliding from store to store, or simply enjoying the scenic view afforded of the Citadel from this locale. She watched for a second with them, observing vehicles fly past in the distance. It was calming to be here, seeing people go on with their daily routines despite the war raging throughout space. Normalcy was reassuring to them; she didn't blame them for half-ignoring what was going on in other places. It was her job and hers alone to worry about everyone else. She smiled at a few people as she walked down the stairway, not ever being able to appear on the Citadel without being recognized. Fortunately, she wasn't asked for an autograph this time. She headed to her left, finding Apollo's Café and commencing to scan the tables for the major.

He was alone off in the corner, staring beyond the railing of the balcony into the distance, mirroring her own gaze only moments before. She quietly approached, taking the brief chance to give him the once over. He had aged a little bit since he'd last been a part of her crew, but not badly, she noted. The soft grizzle sprinkled upon his jaw-line suited him well, and the faintly graying stray strands of hair hidden subtly within the mess of black upon his head seemed to lend experience to his visage. She almost smiled before she realized he had noticed her arrival and was turning to welcome her. His chocolate colored eyes warmed slightly and he rose.

"Shepard. Glad you came."

"Well, here I am." Was her lame response.

He motioned at the empty chair and they both sat down. There was a brief silence as Shepard looked over the menu, not really comprehending what she was reading as she scanned. She was already having trouble focusing and they'd only exchanged greetings. She'd forgotten he had this kind of effect on her when they weren't arguing incessantly. She wasn't entirely sure how to handle it. Thankfully, the waiter took their orders shortly and then the issues with the menu were behind her. She wasn't sure what she had ordered in the end, but at least she'd gotten it out of the way. Now there was nothing to channel her nervousness on, so she dared a glance in Kaidan's direction. He was fiddling with the glass of water that had been placed on their table earlier, his eyes cast downward at the ground. His gaze flickered up and he caught her before she could look away.

"It's…been a while." He ventured.

"We spoke the other day." She shrugged, trying to stay nonchalant.

"Well, sure, but you know what I meant." He half snorted.

"Do I?"

He frowned, "Shepard…I'm trying."

"I can see that. But, what exactly are you trying for? I told you it's all in the past. I'm not angry with you about Horizon…or any of the things we said…So, don't worry about it." There she went again. Trying to avoid it all, to shove it away and just pretend nothing had ever happened. It was easier than expecting something and getting hurt. It was also much easier than reopening old wounds. She had had enough of sitting alone in the middle of the night, wondering what had gone wrong. She had finally accepted things and was ready to move on. Or, well…she had been until the invasion had begun. Until Kaidan had come back into her world. Now, she wasn't sure what she was doing anymore. Just trying to play it smooth and guard her emotions was all she could do.

Kaidan blinked, surprised, but recovered, "I'm just trying to figure us out."

"Us? I thought there stopped being an 'us' a long time ago. You moved on, remember? I did the same." She looked away, uncomfortable.

Kaidan leaned back in his chair, letting out a deep breath. He looked a little frustrated, she thought, as she snuck peaks at him between trying to keep her gaze stonily locked on the most interesting fork she'd ever laid eyes upon.

"I know I said on Horizon that I'd moved on…"

"Yeah." She agreed quickly.

He paused, staring at her seriously, "I moved on because I thought you were dead. But, you weren't. You're alive."

"I'm well aware of that." That fork was probably the sharpest fork she had ever seen. She wondered what the kitchen hands used to keep their silverware from dulling, because whatever it was, it worked pretty well.

"Well, there's not much point in moving on when the one you're in love with is still alive. Is there?" Kaidan asked, his voice thick. She could hear the emotion laced underneath his frustrated tone.

They must use a whetstone. They were usually used on knives, but this fork was definitely sharpened professionally. By a whetstone. No, by the person who knew that whetstones were the best way to sharpen eating utensils.

"Kaidan…maybe, I should go." She sighed.

His hand jolted out and grasped hers. She looked up from the fork, shocked. His eyes glistened as his gaze pored into her. "Didn't you even hear me, Shepard? I'm still in love with you. I never stopped loving you."

"You could have fooled me." Her voice was quiet. She was still so intent on burying the past that she couldn't really trust him just yet. "I don't think you're sure what you're feeling, Kaidan. Just the other day you thought I was working with Cerberus still. Hell, I almost had to take a shot at you."

He let go and looked down. "I know I made a lot of mistakes. I regret them all. I just thought, maybe we could get past all of that now."

"I think our chances have come and gone, Kaidan. There have been plenty of them, that's for sure." Fork. Fork. Fork.

"Do you really think that, Shepard? Because, I don't." Again, his voice was coated in heavy emotion, like he was desperate to say the right thing.

Shepard cringed internally. What was she doing? Why wasn't she saying what she really thought? She was scared, she answered herself. She was just terrified of losing him again. Of getting her heart broken once more. The hopeful side of her nature had withered and disappeared. Damn the fork, she had to get out of here.

"This was a mistake. I should go." She declared and rose to her feet swiftly.

She heard the scraping of the chair against the floor as he tried to stop her, but she was gone as soon as the words left her mouth. She took off across the Presidium as quickly as she could without running and causing a panic throughout the crowd. She felt like something inside her was ripping apart, a painful throbbing ramming against her ribcage as she moved. She had to escape from this pain, this searing agony like nothing really mattered anymore. What was she even fighting for? She never once looked back at the crushed figure she left behind her. She couldn't afford to.

/-/-/

Night. She was alone, nothing had changed. The cabin was quiet save for a soft tune she had set to play to lull her to sleep, though it wasn't working. It would take a miracle to chase away the harrowing thoughts that haunted her mind at this hour. She sat up in her bed, the cover dropping down and exposing her skin to the cold air. It felt good against her flushed skin. She always found she had to sleep in only her bra or suffer sweating all night long. Unfortunately, she was even warmer than usual, and it wasn't helping her in falling asleep at all. She already slept little enough without insomnia racking her mind. She supposed she might as well get something accomplished rather than waste time.

An hour later, she decided deskwork was not going to cut it. She could barely concentrate on the paperwork with her brain screaming that working hours were over, but she still wasn't tired enough to try to go back to her bed. She leaned back in her chair and sighed. She hated herself at moments like this. She knew exactly what she wanted –sleep-but she refused to simply…let herself have it.

"Shepard? You should be resting at this hour." EDI's voice resonated in the cabin.

"Hi, EDI. What did I tell you about snooping?"

"That it was considered rude and inconsiderate amongst most species. I thought it was peculiar that your brain activity was heightened at this time, however, and wondered why you were not asleep." Replied the voice, concerned as hers could possibly be.

"Thanks, that's kind of you."

"Shepard. You did not answer my question. Was that intentional or did you simply overlook it?"

She sighed, looking up. "I am just…too many thoughts, EDI. That's all."

"Is that similar to when there is too much input data and I have to take a moment to analyze the-"

"Yes, EDI. It's similar."

"Then I offer my sympathies. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Nothing that I can think of…thank you, though. I guess I'll try to head back to sleep then."

EDI was silent for a moment, and Shepard looked around expectantly. She stood and stretched her stiff limbs, and then started walking towards her bed. The AI still hadn't responded, and Shepard was about to ask her if she was there when she heard a quiet, "Good night, Shepard."

She told her good night as well, though she wasn't exactly sure how much 'sleep' EDI actually got, and then laid back down in her bed. She still wasn't really tired, but she didn't want to do her deskwork any longer. And she did feel a little better now that she'd done something for a while, even if it was only an hour. She yawned meekly and forced her eyes shut, letting the darkness envelope her.

She was just about to drift off when she heard a knock at her door. She opened her eyes, unsure if she was actually hearing what she thought she was. Surely, no one else was actually awake at this time…But, there it was again. The possibility of a disaster having occurred and someone needing her immediate help flashed before her, and then she was up and bounding across the room to the door. She held her hand over the pad and waited anxiously for it to open. On the other side…Kaidan appeared.

"Kaidan? Is something wrong? What happened?" She could hear the panic in her voice, though it wasn't overwhelming by any means.

"I…no. EDI said you called for me. It's pretty late, Shepard, so I thought maybe something was wrong." He sounded a bit confused, but his eyes glanced downward for a moment and lingered before he quickly glanced back up.

She realized she was in nothing but her bra still, and felt a blush bloom upon her cheeks. "What? EDI said I…called for you?" She felt extremely flustered.

"Um, yeah. Did…you?"

She recalled EDI going strangely silent before telling her good night. She had asked if she could help, but Shepard had responded by telling her there was nothing she could think of…so. This must be EDI's idea. Way to go, EDI. She was probably laughing in her AI way right about now. Shepard sighed aloud.

"It's…a long story." She heard herself say, but mentally she thought, no, it's not. Not really. It's actually pretty short.

Kaidan still looked confused, but she noted he was also slightly worried as well. She felt bad that he'd been woken up in the middle of the night, err, morning, just to be drug up to her room now.

"You might as well come on in since you're here. I'll get you a drink or something." Shepard offered, stepping aside.

He moved inside and went over to her couch, sitting himself down. He definitely looked tired, she noted as she found a glass and went to the bathroom to pour water into it. She came out and walked over to the couch as well, handing it to him before she sat down a little bit away from him. She realized she was still in her bra, then, and just as quickly got up and roamed about for her sweatshirt, which she hastily pulled down over her head before returning.

"What are you doing awake right not, anyways?" Kaidan asked then.

"I wasn't…"

"Come on, Shepard. It didn't take you long to answer the door. And someone told EDI to get me." He sighed, his eyes drooping with sleep.

"Sorry about that…EDI misunderstood me." Shepard bit her lip.

Kaidan nodded, but still looked at her expectantly. She had avoided answering the question, just like she had with EDI. And he'd noticed, just like EDI had. She toyed with her fingers a minute before sighing.

"Honestly, I haven't been sleeping well for a while." She heard herself say.

Kaidan leaned forward to set his glass down. "I hear you."

She looked up. "You don't sleep much either, then?"

"Nope. Migraines have been insufferable lately. What's your excuse?"

"There's just…so much to worry about. The Reapers, Earth, the crew…it could all be gone tomorrow. It's daunting to think about, and it keeps me awake. I'm scared."

Kaidan frowned, and for the second time that week he reached for her hand. "It's not your job to be worried for everyone, Shepard."

"Isn't it? Everyone is depending on me. If we lose everything, it'll be on my watch." She sighed, looking down, but not without appreciating his hand holding hers. She was feeling particularly vulnerable, even on the verge of tears. It had to be the lack of sleep combined with how late it was, she scolded herself.

"Hey, hey, don't worry." He moved over and put his other hand on her cheek, turning her head to look at him. "If I know you, then there is nothing to worry about. You'll pull through because you always do. It's what makes you remarkable."

She breathed in slowly, gazing into his brown eyes in the darkness, remembering how she had run away back on the Citadel. She had been afraid then too. She was much more afraid than people realized, it would appear. Her reasons for why she had run seemed silly now. Here he was again, trying to back her up and be her strength even though she had hurt him. A minute later, he took his hand away, remembering himself.

"Sorry. I…sorry." He looked down again, clearing his throat and disengaging himself from her.

"No, I'm sorry, Kaidan. I shouldn't have said what I did back on the Citadel. I shouldn't have run."

He was gazing intensely at her then, his jaw hanging slightly agape, his eyes glistening a bit with bewilderment, she supposed. It almost looked like there were tears in his eyes.

"I was just scared."

"Of what?" He uttered, his voice low and soft.

"Of getting my heart broken…of losing you again." She replied delicately, her own voice full of sentiment.

He reached out for her cheek, his eyes moist and full in the darkness, "Shepard, you say the word…and I'll never leave."

"Kaidan…" She managed to breathe out just before his lips crushed against hers.

He was pulling her closer to him as they kissed, their lips moving slowly at first, and then gradually more desperately. It had been so long, Shepard had forgotten what passion this man awoke in her their one night so many eons ago. She touched his face, loving the bristly feeling that hadn't been there before, and then ran her hands through his black hair, loving the way it ruffled beneath her fingers. Her skin burned at his touch when he slipped his hand under her Normandy sweatshirt and traced the lines of her back. She parted her lips and allowed him to slip his tongue inside, dancing with her own as the fire was stoked.

She could barely control her hands. She had to touch him, to remember what he felt like. He was wearing loose clothing designed for sleeping in, but it was more than in the way. She started pulling his shirt up and over his head, and then he hurriedly finished for her, pulling apart for a brief yet tantalizingly long second. His chest bare, she immediately let her hands fall upon it, roaming across his well-sculpted abs and nestling at the sparsely spread dark hair he let grow there. He seemed to enjoy her touch, because he breathed deeply between kisses and seemed to sigh in appreciation. She leaned into him more, wanting to feel his body against hers again.

"Shepard…" He whispered, his eyes half-closed in desire.

She kissed his neck so he could speak, refusing to be separated from his warmth.

"Shepard, take off that ridiculous sweatshirt."

Of course, she thought. She leaned back away from him, and grasped the material to raise it over her head and tug. She immediately felt Kaidan's hands cup her breasts before she'd completely gotten it off, and she couldn't help pushing her chest outward in response, into his hands. She dropped the sweatshirt behind her, not caring where it landed in the slightest. His grasp was soft, squeezing ever so slightly at her, appreciating the suppleness of her. She was mostly muscle save for her breasts, they were the most feminine part about her, she always thought. Probably her most attractive feature, and they weren't even that special compared to Miranda or Jack. Still, Kaidan seemed to love them.

He pulled her back to him and kissed her again, reached around behind her back to undo the strap to her bra. It was tossed aside as carelessly as her sweatshirt. Kaidan then leaned forward and seized one of her nipples in his mouth, licking tenderly so that Shepard gasped and her breathing quickened substantially. He cautiously nipped at her, causing her to throw her head back in shock. She hadn't remembered him trying this before. But, she guessed before they had still been pretty nervous about breaking protocol and had just needed to be together before something had happened.

Kaidan pulled away, his expression intense with longing as he took her in. He reached for her legs and pulled her on top of his lap so that she could actually feel the hardness beneath his clothing. His hands ran up the length of her thighs and then, surprising her, he rose, bringing her up with him. He smiled at her surprise, and kissed her as he then carried her across the room, away from the couch and toward her bed. He laid her down and settled above her, kissing at her neck as she let her head sink into the pillow. She grasped at his back, feeling his muscles ripple as he moved lithely. She couldn't believe she'd been missing this for so long. How she had resisted, she had no idea.

Kaidan looked up at her and smiled, kissing her once before glancing at her slack pants. He found the band coiled tightly around her waist and then started to lower it down, waiting for her to raise her hips so he could slip them all the way off. She kicked them off from her ankles gently as Kaidan moved back to pull at her undergarments. He removed them in the same manner, though more slowly, as if appreciating the view of her long legs this time. He kissed her stomach then, and as he returned to her lips, she felt his hand subtly find her lower core, warm and slick, inviting him. He worked, moving tenderly until she signaled he'd found the right spot by letting out a timid moan into his lips. She closed her eyes as the tension built within her, but swore she could feel Kaidan's smile as he kissed her, moving all over from her lips to her cheek and back to her neck.

A few minutes later and Shepard couldn't contain her pleasure any longer. Kaidan felt her walls tense around his finger as she let out a lovely sigh, her voice trembling and her hips restlessly moving. He pulled his hand away and was answered with a yearning whimper. Shepard opened her eyes to catch Kaidan devilishly grinning at her, but she ignored him and went straight for his own pants and started pulling them down. She was a bit clumsy in her current, slightly disoriented state, so Kaidan helped in removing his remaining bits of clothing, revealing just how much he was enjoying her when she caught sight of his member, erect and quivering. He positioned himself between her, and then deftly entered, making her pull him closer to her chest so that their bodies clashed together as he moved slowly within her, making it last.

She moved her head so that she could see him, and blinked slowly when she recognized the ardor in his gaze. Those chocolate eyes were dilated and intently focused on her, radiating affection and tenderness. She had never felt like she belonged to someone as much as she did then. She was his, completely. She could forget the rest of the universe and its expectations when she was with him. All he wanted was for her to be happy, to relax and take time out for herself occasionally. She had pushed him away before out of fear, but now she was assured more than ever that he'd worked through his feelings and had come out knowing he loved her and that was all that mattered. And it was. It was all that mattered to her at that moment.

Ecstasy overtook them eventually. Kaidan's pace slowed as he neared his finish, and Shepard arced her hips as euphoria overwhelmed her senses and took away all the worries she'd had an hour ago. Her hands fell limp at her side as Kaidan let out a deep sigh, and then collapsed upon her, laying his head upon her bosom as he panted slightly. They breathed loudly for a few moments before Shepard found the strength to hold him again. He turned his head and gazed at her again.

She smiled at him, happier than she'd felt in a long time. "I should have said it before, but…I love you, Kaidan."

He smiled in return and moved forward to kiss her again.

"I know, Shepard."

It was only hours later, when Shepard woke and found Kaidan still asleep in her bed, that Shepard wondered what EDI was going to say. She would probably claim she had done it all in the name of science, for observation purposes for future referencing. Regardless, she owed EDI. Big.


End file.
